When your addict is in active addiction you become very guarded. For me, I was terrified of anyone discovering my secret life of perpetual fear. As my husband continued deeper into his love for drugs I stopped exposing him to “normal” people. At the same time, the “normal” people stopped inviting us out. Double dates and parties became a thing of the past.
Consequently, my world shrunk smaller and smaller. At one point I was down to a handful of friends. These people would badger me to hang out with them. For me this was torture. I had nothing to say to them. Every aspect of my life was falling apart.
Finally, my best friend called me and ripped me a new one, as only best friends can. There was crying and yelling and long uncomfortable silences. By the end I was thankful for the conversation but, I knew something had to change.
Throughout our talk I blamed my addict for all my unhappiness. Drugs were running my life and I didn’t even get to enjoy the high. As I hung up the phone I realized it was not just my addict who needed change. I had lost site of myself. Emotionally beat down I resigned to make my own lifestyle change.